8 years ago I dreamt of being a mom. I saw the students in my class grow and as they got older I saw their mom’s become pregnant with baby number 2 and then 3. When time passed it served as a reminder that my dream was fading.
The horrible year…2011 was when my life turned upset down, in and out. In 1 month my dad parished, two uncles, my grandmother (who had to discover her son’s passing in heaven as she passed 4 days after him) and then my mother in law. I lived in my black suit in July and part of August. It was nonstop tears and agony.
A year later my husband I try to find some happy in our life. We attempt to do IVF though we had two failed IUI in previous years. I copied and pasted my dream so to speak. The embryo doesn’t make it and it passed on my dad’s birthday. I’ve never felt burning tears before that day.
Fast forward to last year where I felt brave again. Copied and pasted was once again my dream revisited. I switched jobs to decrease stress, changed my diet and prayed a lot. When we found out we were pregnant it was 8 months of continued shock and awe.
Does the shock end for me? Nope…4 months later and I still look at them with astonishment. Copied and pasted the dream of having a baby because when you wait 8 long years you appreciate the dream. The journey. And when you copy and paste, you sometimes get what you ask for and in my case I got exactly that!
It’s been difficult to dream and follow my dream when my number one fan is in heaven. I find myself dreaming again. You ask…but you got your dream, why continue? I hear my dad’s voice as I’m talking to my boys. Suddenly I understand why he was so protective. Suddenly I understand all of his hopes and dreams. Suddenly they are now mine. I want to give my boys my best. Am I copying and pasting generations of dreams and hopes? Absolutely!
My promise to my dad was that I would watch over my mom if anything ever happened to him. My promise to him was to take his place. As I write this my tears are hot again. I copy and paste reluctantly because I miss him and sometimes you wish you didn’t have to move on without them. Sometimes you just want to copy and let it rest.
I gave birth to my dreams in January. The day I returned from the hospital, I learned a letter from the school district I worked at had laid me off. Two weeks later we get a notice that our mortgage would increase and we would have to pay $4,000 a month. Indeed, heavy tears under stressful times. I copied, but I wanted to delete. Holding onto the ‘copy’ of my dreams I held it tight. Tighter than you could believe.
Two weeks ago we learned of an opportunity to own in the city which I grew up in. My dream to be near my mom presented itself. My dream to have my children attend the schools I attended presented itself. The home loan with an amazing rate presented itself. The opportunity and dream to start my own daycare presents itself. I’m pasting frantically…
Now we wait like we’re on hold and listening to music in the background. I’m trying my best to think positive and put good energy out there. Now I understand my parents and my grandparents and their parents journey of dreams for their family. Suddenly my purpose becomes even greater and filled with more hope. My dream are their dreams. Copy, paste. Copy, paste.
While I wait on hold, I think about the road traveled and realize I’m okay. The worse has happened. I’m a warrior. I will survive. God will point us, (point me) in the right direction. I will turn ‘from this to that’ because life is about turning nothing to something. I think about my grandparents dream and my parents dreams. They were the true warriors of turning nothing to something. It’s in my blood, my DNA. It’s in all of us!
My dad always taught me to never give up. We proved the impossible when it came to locating and bringing him home (to learn more Google Find Our Fathers or missing fisherman Don Lee). Am I resilient, a dreamer and believer? Of course. We have to be. Surround yourself with dreamers and believers because when you lose your step it’s the dreamers that keep telling you to keep pressing on. Copy and paste!
As life has it, you don’t have to look far to be guided in the right direction. A long time friend who understands my pain better than anyone is by my side. She tragically lost her father 25 years ago and in the same Summer we suffered unexpected tragedy. I’ve watched her through the years pick herself up. We’ve directly and indirectly have supported one another and today this arrow happens to be my realtor. She’s a dreamer, a believer and watching her has me stronger than ever.
So despite tough times, keep moving. My message is redundant. Keep the dreams close and never give up. Surround yourself with positive light, love. This morning she reminded me how helping others is helping yourself…your soul. I’m reminded that God puts people in the right places and at the right times. I’m reminded by her presence that everything will be okay. Thank you Louisa Arcas Bortoli. I know our journey has just begun. I’m merely counting my blessings, reflecting on the past, and thankful to be looking onward and upward with this beautiful person by my side.
If you’re reading this I hope you find inspiration and courage. Life is ‘copy and paste’ until the dreams are met. Pushing delete is never an option. If we keep thinking it and reading it, our dreams do come true.
Prove is in my own ‘copy and paste’ above. Dreams don’t end. And so, the action continues… I continue to ‘copy and paste.’